You can’t have both.
You can only choose one or the other.
Your actions do not lie and will reveal the emotion you chose to operate from even when you act from fear and try to pass it on as love!
You can’t cheat here.
Love is the most demanded choice but fear is what is mostly chosen when it comes to acting on it.
For example, let’s say you fall in love with your perfect loving match but when you get into a disagreement you shut down, say hurtful things and bring your guards up higher than ever to protect yourself.
That’s love but driven by fear.
To get a better understanding of the two emotions, let’s look a little closer at both emotions:
- What is Love: It is an emotion that entails kindness, generosity, loyalty, honesty, selflessness, deep affection, security, hope, safety, limitlessness, empathy, confidence, motivation, inspiration, transformation, encouragement, gratitude, freedom, vulnerability, passion, courage and much much more.
- What is Fear: It is an unpleasant emotion or thought induced by threat which causes any being to change their behaviour and as a result run, hide, stay still, fight back and cause pain for self and others. It brings negative feelings of insufficiency, jealousy, comparison, perfectionism, rejection, selfishness, shame, blame, limitations, insecurity, victimization, ridicule, and much much more.
So why is it that most people make their choices based on fear and not love throughout their lives whether in business, relationships, health, friendships, and most importantly for themselves?
Why is it that many are willing to give up so much just to protect their fears?
This explanation might help:
Decisions made based on fear comes from our thoughts whereas decisions made from love comes from our hearts.
People think, justify, analyze and over analyze emotions in their heads instead of FEELING them from their hearts.
When going through painful experiences in life, most people make a “logical” choice (I put it in quotation marks as many refer to it as such but let’s face the truth, it’s from fear!).
They THINK the best way to protect themselves from getting hurt again is to build higher unreachable walls around them, shut the emotions down, and “save” themselves from “The Big Bad Danger” nearby.
All this work and energy, not realizing that they have turned into their own worst enemy and a major danger to themselves!
With fear comes loss and people living in fear are willing to take the risk of losing the most valuable people and things in their lives just to protect their fears, thinking they are guarding themselves from pain.
Our minds are powerful tools.
Here’s another way to handle pain (I will speak from my own personal experience to make a better point).
Warning: This method stems from acting out of love so read at your own discretion!
When going through painful experiences, in the darkest hours, I shut down and turn to MYSELF.
I choose not to “band-aid” my pain with thoughts.
I choose to FEEL every emotion and let it run through me and the only time I resort to thoughts is when I’m digging deep to reach my lesson from the experience which will help me reach higher loving grounds onwards.
I allow the pain in to feel it to its full extent, so it not only sets me free from painful “thoughts”, it also leads me to love more in the future.
I choose to believe in the happiness after the pain.
I choose not to suffocate and silence the hurt.
I choose to act out of love amongst all the pain.
What can I say? I’m one of those helpless optimists!
That’s all part of self love if you haven’t figured it out yet.
Some people choose fear over love, even though love is hitting them on the back of their head and staring them straight in the eye!
If you’re in that category you must be aware that throughout life, you have been conditioned to stay in your “comfort zone”, and although painful, it’s what you’re familiar with and within your control.
That’s why you belong where you choose to be.
The word “love” is thrown around like confetti by many but upon taking action most people choose to operate from a place of fear.
The excuses and stories people tell themselves comes from their beliefs that they are not lucky enough, rich enough, educated enough, skilled enough, loved enough, smart enough and whatever else enough to deserve that kind of love.
Fear and love do not disappear from our lives. They are always there for us to make a choice between the two.
You can be aware of both but can only choose one to live your life by.
So how can people driven from fear act out of love?
- Intention – Before (or even after) you act or react, ask yourself: “What is my intention here?”. The answer will clear it up for you. Act out of love. See above for what the feeling of love entails.
- Mind or Heart? – Again, ask yourself: “Am I acting from what I think or what I feel?”
- Choose Courage – Be brave enough to face your feelings. Your truth will free you of chains of fear.
- Embrace Change – If your old ways are not working for you it’s time for letting change in. It’s not easy. No one said it would be. That’s why the reward is so darn delicious.
- Stay open (as opposed to shutting down in fear!) – This one is pretty self explanatory. Your vulnerability is your power. By hiding your feelings you’ll only become the weaker person.
Choosing love is never easy but I tell you, it’s the choice that will give you the gift of living a wholehearted life and that’s worth living and fighting for any given day.
I know for sure that I want to be remembered for living a life filled with love-driven choices and not fear.
How about you?
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