“A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet …. which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenixarises, reborn anew to live again… The phoenix has long been presented as a symbol of rebirth, immortality, and renewal.” ~ Wikipedia
Oh January! I’m still waiting for Christmas and New Years to arrive!! I have no clue how January went by without me crumbling. I crumbled on the inside without showing it (0r so I’d like to believe!).
Don’t get me wrong, I still celebrated Christmas, New Years, time with friends in town, skiing, running, yoga, etc, but I wasn’t my usual present self. My heart and mind was always with her and I spoke to her 3-5 times daily. I am pro-LIVING so I had to renew my energy somehow to pass it on to her. I did not want to run on empty, like I did a few times here and there.
I’m going to tell you a story in the making. Sit back and relax and just immerse yourself in it. It’s beautiful. This story WILL finish on a “rebirth” note:
The surgery was set for January the 6th. She asked me to fly over to be with her after the surgery. She needed me when she was going through the recovery period and not when she was “out of it”.
Right before the surgery she asked me to send her my utmost positive energy: that happens when I run. I ran in freezing rain during that hour, right after I hung up the phone as she was being prepared for the big event. I gave her everything I had in me and more.
After 5 1/2 hours of waiting while calling and texting her ever-loving man non-stop, he called me as soon as he finished speaking with the surgeon when it was all over. He said: “Tandar, you’re the first person I’m calling. It all went well and it was a very successful surgery”. There were a few seconds of silence between us and then we both started to cry really hard. We had been holding up on breathing for a very long time and suddenly been granted the permission to exhale. We were both standing so strong for her but in one short moment, we were able to let go of the worries, fears, anxiety, sadness – in her absence.
A huge weight lifted that I wasn’t aware of it sitting on my chest for, what seemed like, ages.
I just returned from seeing her a week ago. The reconnection has given me a peace of mind. I also got a chance to tell her about my “little drama” happening during the same time which gave me a much needed perspective just at the right time.
What’s next? Chemotherapy. We will get through that too. Together, we will.
She’s coming to me right before her sessions begin. Two upfront concert tickets to her favorite Persian singer are awaiting our celebration in early March. That’s part of our recharge program! Laughter, “The Key”, has been accompanying us in all our moments and has never left our side. Don’t you just love memories while they’re being made? 🙂
We’ve both been fired up, rising from the ashes to relive alongside one another, now, for even better reasons.
